Correspondence with a couple with marriage problems.

Dear ?,
I am sorry to hear about your wife's problems.

A woman's emotional system is much more sensitive than men, but we men do not often understand that.

Regarding your part in loving her I would like to offer a few suggestions:

The word "loving" is quite often misunderstood.  Many think of it only in an emotional, and not in a practical way.

1 John  3:18  "My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."  Here we have both the emotional and practical side of love. Word and tongue (emotional) deed and truth (practical).

# 1  To tell her that you love her, also to hug and caress her is the emotional side of love.  When you come home from a hard day's work, it is best to meet your wife with a big hug and kiss.  It is likewise important that she do the same. This is often a relief for both after a tiring day.  A woman needs this part, so does a man.

# 2  To show her that love in a practical way is to help her with the menial tasks about the home. Like washing the dishes, when she is tired out. Diapering the baby now and then.  Cleaning the stove after dinner. I just got through doing that to our glass top stove. Yesterday, my wife said she was tired when I brought in five quarts of strawberries. I told her to sit down, and I hulled and got them ready for freezing.  She appreciated that.

Now, in Eph 5: we have the best advice for a marriage.  Here is some of it:

V. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
V.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Here in the model marriage the wife is to submit herself to her husband, her head.  Paralleling this to the church and Christ.

Here is the husband's part;  V.25 -  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a
glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

The application in:  V.28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

A wife has a hard time submitting to a husband that does not love her both emotionally and practically.

Here is the wife part:  V.33  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see
that she reverence her husband.

Putting this all together it simple means that a husband has a difficult time loving a wife that is not submissive and a wife has the
same difficulty with submitting to a husband that is not loving, both emotionally and practically.

???, a man is occupied with so much in the world in order that he might be the bread winner for the family. His mind is, and has to be, often away from the home, and family. The wife lives twenty-four hours of her day with the home and family. She has a greater need in the home than that of the husband.

Men respond well to big thing that happen in life, whereas, a wife is made happy with many little things. Just a helping hand now and then and a little word of praise goes a long ways with wives.

My prayer is that both you and ?? will set scriptural guide lines for a happy marriage.

Do keep me informed.  Written to help.


All comments and questions to: Harold Smith

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Updated JJuly 14th 2005, by Harold Smith